Clowns Rule!

For some reason, I have been thinking about clowns. I was sitting with a secretarial group this week, when one asked a question of all of us: Tell us something about yourself we never knew.

In the answers, one of us is a stock car racer on weekends. One was a police decoy for busting drug dealers. And one is a professional clown but she only performs for her grandchildren. (Keep in mind, these are very professional legal secretaries and paralegals.)

I've always wanted to be a clown. Inside I'm a clown. Outside I am a shy, quiet, legal secretary that dresses conservative and doesn't wear makeup (uh, maybe I should). Inside I'm also a race car driver with a bent towards demolition derbies.

When my boys were little, their aunt made them clown costumes, one-size-fits-all, which meant they were clowns from the time they were 3 and 4 until they were 13 and 14 and finally mutinied on the clown issue.

When I was 40, a coworker, Salina, thought it would be wonderful if a group of us came as clowns for Halloween at our office. (At that time, it was a manufacturing firm which made high speed printers.) She garnered two other "clowns" besides herself (yours truly and our marketing director) and supplied the costumes, the hair, and the nose. I traveled across town giggling the whole way to work, thinking how silly I looked and boy, I'd better not get in an accident. I made sure my underwear was brand-new looking just in case. (It would be the only semblance of dignity on my entire body.) I had visions of Mary Tyler Moore laughing helplessly and eternally as if I were Chuckles the Clown, crushed by an elephant because I was dressed as Peter Peanut. O dear.

I made it to work in one piece.

Then I heard all kinds of racket from the parking lot, banging on cars, snaky sounds, and spasms of giggles – and here comes the second clown, our dignified marketing director, ON ROLLER-SKATES. She hadn't skated since she was ten – so she was kind of like Bambi trying to move on ice. She spent the whole day on her skates – forever giggling.

And finally Salina arrived. She was sorry she was late because as she was getting in her car a county sheriff went slowly by and then backed up and rolled down his window. He looked at her very carefully and said in a very straight monotone voice, "We've been looking for a clown like you." And then threw his head back and barrel laughed all the way down the road – she could still hear him after two blocks.

We made it through the day, faithfully wearing our noses, and surviving all the stares and laughter at our expense, finally arriving at our homes in time to pass out candy to all the little clowns out there. (Oh, yeah, they were really awestruck!)

Since I've got the clown thing under my belt, I'm looking for a car. There's a demolition derby calling my name.



Cheryl said...

This just reminds me of that Judy Collins song Both Sides Now and how I used to think the lyrics were, "It's clown's illusions I recall I really don't know clowns at all". Which, of course, really do not make sense with the first verse which is all about clouds! What can I say, I was a little kid at that time. Anywho....I think it's good to get your 'clown' on...or anything else you want to try! Have fun and grin like an idiot! It can only bring you JOY!

JeanieSpokane said...

LOL at your "I really don't know clowns at all" I'll be laughing all day!

MarmiteToasty said...

I DONT do clowns..... the end lol


Nita Jo said...

Hi. My first visit here. Saw your comment over at Inland Empire Girl's blog.

Your story had me laughing. I've always harbored a secret desire to be a clown. Even did the clown costume thing a couple of times myself... Isn't it fun!

Thanks for brightening my day!

al said...

Hey! I remember that marketing director. I thought she was cute before, but the clown thing really did it for me.

JeanieSpokane said...

I thought of you, Al, when I wrote that. It just happened that the director of our company and the marketing director's husband chanced to meet each other in the skywalk at the airport - both coming in from separate planes - they greeted each other warmly and then the husband looked down at the street level and blanched, saying "I think I know that clown skating down the sidewalk." And she was STILL giggling.