A Special Celebration

I took my time choosing just the right outfit. It had to be “to the nines” and red or purple. I pulled out my purple velvet floor length dress, picked through my jewelry and found three long red-stoned necklaces and two ruby red bracelets. I added to this the matching earrings. Topped it all off with a red feather boa and ended the whole flashy display with a beautiful red hat. I looked like a party ready to happen.

Several of us took special time this morning to get similarly dressed. We are Red Hats, in particular, we are the Scarlett Snickerdoodles of the Red Hat Society. We do things together once a month – fun things. We go to antique stores and garage sales, we go to teas and plays, we travel to other towns and experience their idea of teas, antique stores, garage sales, and plays. That’s what Red Hats do – we play. Today is a special day, though, and I can’t describe it as playing. One of our members made a special request for us to deck all up in our red and purple splendor. Today is her memorial service.

We were gathering together today to celebrate her. A week ago she passed quietly away from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). Her passing was so unlike her. No dancing. No skipping. No throwing back her head and laughing out loud.

Another member was grateful and thankful – boisterous even – that our friend was finally able to be free of the devastating effects of ALS, a disease with absolutely no cure and only certain death. I have had a hard time dealing with this – with her loss – and finding joy in her death.

The pastor related that at her graveside all her grandchildren happened to spy a deer leaping through the green grass near where she was laid. It was a sign! She was the spirit of that deer, bounding free of ALS, totally free to dance among the spirits.

So we gathered together and sat with her family and her friends and celebrated her life. ALS stole her from us, ALS stole her legs, her voice, her speech, her tap dance, her life. But as we sat together, leaning towards each other, touching each other – we started to laugh. We started to bring up all her qualities and she had no bad qualities – she was like each one of us in so many ways. She was opinionated, ornery, stubborn, funny, witty, danced through her day, sang at the top of her lungs in the shower, made Snow Angels in the snow, hugged babies, and laughed. And we all are just like her in all her ways. It’s trite to say she’s gone but not forgotten. But when I look at any other Scarlett Snickerdoodle and the flamboyant red hat, purple top, feathers, and flowers – I instantly see her. She is truly in my heart. And I could honestly say that I feel like dancing.

This is for you, dear Lois Watts

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Lois Leaves

My friend, Lois, beat the devil of ALS to the ground on Friday and then walked into the arms of Jesus and left that useless body behind. She was so through with it. She took her favorite hat with her that she wore to all our Red Hat gatherings. In sparkling letters it said "Bitch." She was very fond of that hat.

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What Would You Do?

Eeek - it's been ten days since I've written.

I love my life because usually I am my own comic relief. I am channeling Lucille Ball most of the time. Things happen. Can't explain it.

But lately, life and the process of living has been depressed, much like our economy. Have you noticed that nobody is really saying we are in a depression???? It's a recession, they say. I had to look up both words.

Depression – a slump, a recession (I hate words that define other words that I'm trying to define in comparison. How can Webster do that????), slump, downturn, fall. Ok – those all can be applied to my poor skeleton of a 401(k) plan.

Recession – depression (see????), slump, downturn, collapse, decline – Well, this definitely applies to our situation today. Maybe there is no difference?

Anyway – back to depression – I'm kind of in the human depression of despair and hopelessness. I've mentioned my friend before, who has ALS. I have started taking care of her Friday mornings before I went to work. She now needs 24/7 care and our Red Hat chapter is taking turns helping out her husband so he can go to his day job.

I just got off the whirligig of doing the same kind of care for my mother-in-law; doing the same for someone my own age is startling. I'm kind of paralyzed in what to say to my friend. She's the one with a sense of humor. (I like to think I have a sense of humor – but it's hard to be funny when you see your friend's body steadily slipping away, muscle by muscle.) She can't speak, can't walk, can't stand. The first thing that happened was that she slipped out of bed onto a foot stool. By the time I got to her, I was horrified to find out that I am not wonder woman like I thought. I had no strength whatsoever to pick her up and put her back to bed. After several attempts to lift her, I was debating calling 9-1-1 just to have someone pick her up so I could get her into her motorized scooter. She flung her arm out towards the front door and I asked if she wanted me to get the neighbor. Yes! Yes! Yes! She nodded in a frantic sort of way. (At the same time it was finally registering with me that she was naked. She well knew it – I was just getting the hang of it – she kept patting the bed and I didn't get it – well her clothes were folded at the end of the bed. How could I not see that she was naked???) We threw clothes on, I raced next door and woke up the neighbor, who blearily came over and between the two of us, she was miraculously back in bed. Heavy sigh. The rest of the morning was pretty uneventful. We maneuvered into the living room and into her easy chair. The dog happily bouncing along beside her. Later she kept trying to get the dog to sit with her but he was focused on me. Finally she got out her only means of communication – a white board. And she wrote, "I have taught that dog everything he knows, but I forgot to teach him how to read." That whiteboard was her lifeline to the rest of us. She once wrote "I'm working on my bucket list." Her bucket is almost full.

I am signed up for Fridays, 7-9 in the morning. I promised her I would go directly to her bedroom and help her get up for the day, instead of waiting to find her squatting on the floor.

So, what kind of friend are you – and I mean this in a double-sided coin way. Would you help your naked friend with natural ease? On the other side, would you be a pleasant patient if a friend picked you up naked from the floor?

She and I decided that next time I even think of calling 9-1-1, I will call Hospice instead because they have promised to send the tallest, cutest, hottest firemen to our aid. She is making motions of fainting even now.

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In Memoriam

I have a good friend who has been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). She is a member of my Red Hats group, the Scarlet Snickerdoodles. She put in a request today. She is planning her Memorial Service and wants to be sure that we attend in all our Red Hat Glory and plethora of red and purple garments, hats, gloves, pins, and whatever else red and purple we can drape ourselves in.

It socked me in the stomach and left me breathless. She's dying. She's not just terribly sick; she's over the top sick with a disease that there is no cure for. She is going to leave us soon and wants to plan a last big bash where she won't be attending.

If you were planning your own memorial, what would you do? What would you say?

Here's to Lois - my friend. Here's to a special person who is a friend to all who meet her, who has a daughter and granddaughters that adore her, who has a husband who thinks she's just tops; who is part of a group of nutty women who like to wear purple and big flamboyant hats.

Here's to Lois who only desires to make memories, lots of memories, everlasting memories.

Here is to my vibrant, living, breathing, very, very, very good friend. Lois.

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Walking for a Friend

It was a beautiful sunny morning, perfect for a walk with friends. I arrived at 9:00 and donned my ret hat, took my sweater off to show my purple shirt and made my way to Mirabeau Meadows to join my other Red Hat friends from Scarlett Snickerdoodles. Whenever we gather, we have fun, we laugh, we giggle, we act silly, and we make a show of ourselves. People take our pictures, thinking we are some kind of circus act or parade performer. We are the Red Hats. We are getting up there in age and we are going to dance the whole way. We are not following rules and we are not going to be polite little old ladies with simpering smiles. We are going to wear purple – and pink and red and green and orange and we will do this with the most clash we can manage. We will wear feathers in our hair, jewelry on our fingers, wrists, ears, necks. We will wear lavish red hats with gaudy pins and plastic flowers and long fluffy scarves. We will laugh loud, hug long, and love deep. Most importantly, yesterday we were walking for a cure. A cure for ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis). We were walking for a fellow Scarlett Snickerdoodle – Lois.

Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) is a motor neuron disease, first described in 1869 by the noted French neurologist Jean-Martin Charcot. Although the cause of ALS is not completely understood, the last decade has brought a wealth of new scientific understanding about the disease that provides hope for the future.

Lou Gehrig first brought national and international attention to the disease in 1939 when he abruptly retired from baseball after being diagnosed with ALS. Most commonly, the disease strikes people between the ages of 40 and 70, and as many as 30,000 Americans have the disease at any given time. | http://www.alsa.org/

The first thing I noticed was everyone laughing and hugging and the air of festivity rang through the park. There was a live band playing very good music and coffee and hot chocolate and krispy kremes were enjoyed by children, adults, people in wheelchairs, volunteers. It was a party! It was a celebration! This was the Walk to Defeat ALS, held at Mirabeau Meadows, Saturday morning, September 13, 2008. Three miles along a portion of the Centennial Trail. I estimated 400 walkers. Maybe more.

There were 12 of us from Scarlett Snickerdoodles. There were several groups of people walking for their loved one – some walking for two or more special people in their lives. There was Team Jason, Team Watts, Team Chicks for Chuck, and many, many others. One team “40” looked like it had 40 participants. I mention Chicks for Chuck because I loved their t-shirt. They loved our hats. I told one that “our Lois” would be arriving soon and she leaned into me and said their Chuck had passed on but his wife was carrying on his fight by helping organize their Chicks for Chuck for the annual Walk to Cure ALS.

We were a wonderful beautiful crowd of people filled with hope and love and anticipation. The cure for ALS is becoming a reality!