Waking Up Old

So, I woke up this morning, my birthday morning, as an older woman. Older than yesterday when I was 59. And somehow jumped into another decade as I have just turned 60. Ok, now I can tell you that I was being kind of optimistically frivolous when I made up my 60 reasons I am excited about turning 60. It's more like, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I say it – 60 years old – and think to myself, uh, no that's not me. That is not who I am. Age doesn't describe the inner me. I am ageless in my mind – and you ask my two sons and they agree. I'm playful and goofy and pensive and romantic and introspective and soul searching. Has nothing to do with age.

Several years ago, my coworkers started a tradition of "60 presents for the 60th birthday." Little things. So for the past five days I have received 10-12 little presents every day – books, cards, plants, candles, soaps, energy drinks (which seems to draw every single person and they all want to try it). Does an energy drink counter the effects of just plain being old? Inquiring minds want to know. It says it has no caffeine and no sugar. So, if you come to my cubicle and I'm not there, look up – I may be on the ceiling, having sampled some of my energy drink supply, called "Orange Explosion." If that doesn't work, I have several latte gift cards so I can get my double caffeine, triple shot chocolate, Grande latte. Fat, hot, and a hell of a lot.

How do I feel about 60? I didn't notice a big drop in brain cells, so I think the "senior moments" are still in the future. Maybe if I keep working, I'll keep my brain active, and I won't have those moments. I'm playing Sodoku frequently over the last year because I have heard that it improves the mind. However, it hasn't improved my balancing-the-checkbook skills, at all. Instead of a savings account, I have a slush fund in my checking account, to account for my not accounting my account.

Age is relative I suppose. I remember when my grandmother turned 95 years old, still living on her own. Her son-in-law asked, er rather shouted to her good ear, "So, how do you feel today?" to which she replied, louder just for the heck of it, "I'm 95 years old. How the hell do you think I feel!" When you are 95 years old, you can be cantankerous and ornery just for grins and giggles and nobody will fault you. When you're 60 and act like that, well, you're just being a brat and a pill.

So here I am – 60 years old. Am I better? Older? Wiser? I like to think wiser, finally, after many false starts. I'm an all-around better person, through time and through events and experiences. I'm just not older. I'm definitely not elderly – although were I to trip and fall in the street and a reporter happened by (and I'm only a block away from the S-R building), the article in the paper would read "Elderly Woman Breaks Hip on Riverside and Monroe; Traffic tied up for hours trying to get her, screaming and clawing, into ambulance for ride to nursing home."

.

60 reasons I am excited about being SIXTY:

ONE WEEK AWAY

1. I don’t look it – see me next year
2. I am healthy (mostly)
3. I am content
4. I am mature (something I am extremely grateful for – no more hot emotions, no more being jealous or petty; just nice calm maturity)
5. However, I can be cranky if I want to. I'm OLD.
6. I love the person in the mirror that looks back at me.
7. I laugh at myself way too much. And that’s perfectly fine.
8. I am hardly ever sad.
9. I have the bone density of a 30-year-old, so my doc tells me
10. I am mother of two great sons that I don’t have to nag after
11. I have dear close friends that hold secrets, tell jokes, and care deeply
12. I laugh and laugh and laugh
13. I’m alive
14. I feel great
15. I am comfortable in my skin
16. I have become a sensitive, compassionate woman
17. I have become an example to follow
18. I’m a great mother-in-law and the envy of all my daughter-in-law’s friends who don’t have me as their mother-in-law
19. I have a beautiful singing voice, especially in the shower
20. I am 1/3 of the way through my list
21. I look back at some of the things I write and think, boy, that was really good!
22. I am passionate about attitude and living, truly living!
23. I am a good listener and confidante.
24. Not to worry when you tell me a secret; I can honestly say I have forgotten it by the next day
25. I dance when I clean the house, usually to Meatloaf’s “Bat out of Hell.”
26. Sunsets
27. Beaches
28. The ocean
29. I can still climb lighthouses
30. I am a pretty good photographer
31. I might retire in five years; maybe not; maybe work fulfills me still
32. I’m good with computers
33. Babies – I look forward to being a very young in spirit Grandmother in my 60s
34. All-you-can-eat buffet places that give senior discounts to 60 and older. I can eat those 80-year-olds under the table.
35. I can skip exercising (well, occasionally) and blame it on "old age."
36. I get to take naps!
37. I can be weird and eccentric and everyone will love me anyway
38. My eyesight is still 20-20
39. I actually wasn't born yesterday
40. 2/3 through my list
41. I am wise and make less mistakes
42. When I make mistakes I just write them off as senior moments
43. Cats love me (they see an easy mark)
44. I'm still active and in more ways than one
45. You are only as old as you feel – and sometimes I feel like I'm twelve.
46. Some days I feel like I'm 100.
47. Life!
48. I have God in my heart; God walks with me all day long
49. I have a great sense of humor
50. Other people laughing is contagious; I surround myself with laughing people
51. I am introspective and engage in lots of soul searching and generally find good things in my soul
52. A former boss told my current boss to hire me because I was gentle and kind; I really like being thought of as gentle and kind
53. I have my teeth; and I floss
54. I sleep very well
55. I have no regrets
56. I have at least 60 friends!
57. 20 of my 60 friends are my very best friends forever VBFF!
58. Today is the first day of my life, and I get to start all over again with a fresh slate; and it is the last day of my life and I get to fill it up with all kinds of adventures and experiences and memories
59. I can still swing to the top of the bar with my feet high and my head back
60. Wow! I'm sixty years old! Can you believe it???

29 and hanging on by my fingernails

Oh, you wish!

I have a reverse calendar at work, ticking off the days to when I'm turning the unbelievable age of SIXTY. Why is this unbelievable??? I look in the mirror and I see maybe 40. I don't feel this new age. So, anyway, yesterday it was 30 days to 60. Today it's 29 days. Twenty-nine. I remember that age – vividly. 29 was hard to leave – I went kind of kicking and screaming. The 20's are such exuberant years. You are finally out from under your overbearing parents. You are on your own. Got that apartment. Then married with children. The house.

The 30's came and GAACK, you were really an adult now. All that responsibility. All the decisions with nobody to back you. Everything was a drama. Bills to pay, parent teacher conferences, doctor visits for the kids, hospital treks for the kids, Disney once for the kids, if you were lucky and could afford it.

When I was 39, I worked for a selfish, egotistical, full-of-himself jerk who sauntered in one day and tossed a Reader's Digest at me and said "Here. Type this up for me. It's my motto. It's why I'm who I am. It's why I have made it today."

I glanced at the article: "Success by the Age of 40: Ten Steps."

I started typing and thinking – hoo boy – by 40. I'll be 40 in ten months. I remember it almost exactly to the date – it was the end of June. Success by the age of 40 – I'll never make it. I got more and more depressed and for the next ten months, I spent the whole time being almost 40. I stopped being 39. I kissed the 30s smack down goodbye. I was almost 40.

The 40s are kind of a blur. Kids are growing up and you're worrying about college or they're going off into the service and you're worrying about war spots around the world. The mortgage has been refinanced, credit card companies know you by name and send you deals every day, every single damn day, and at no interest for six months, hallelujah.

And suddenly you are 50. Half a century. And you realize that, gee, I don't think I'm even middle aged. I think I passed middle age five years ago, maybe longer. Holy cow – I'm over the hill and THAT means it's down hill from here, at an ever increasing faster, and faster, and faster rate.

Now I'm turning 60, feel like 30, look like 40 (ok, maybe 45). And I'm thinking – you know – this ain't bad if this is what 60 feels like. I'm still roaring like a lion, getting myself into trouble by pressing buttons I'm told not to, and I'm still creating new friendships, starting new projects as if I'm going to live forever.

I have thought that it might be a good idea to stop reading the obituaries. I find myself looking at the ages in the obituaries and thinking, boy is he old looking or something similarly derisive. And then I'll look in the mirror and think – eek – I'm his age. It gives you pause at any rate.

So – in 29 days from this moment, I will turn 60. Wow.