I'm trying not to panic.

This is the day I have kind of dreaded. I have tried not to think about it, and yet it happens that because I'm trying so hard not to think of it, my brain goes into overdrive thinking about it.

I went to my doctor for an update on my prescription. Just a normal routine "hey, was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in." And get poked and prodded and drained of all my blood. She handed me a sheaf of papers of various things I should do – the boob squash test, the bone density test, the thyroid ultrasound test.

Yeah, the thyroid ultrasound test. The thyroid is a teeny tiny rice-sized grain of something, I don't know what, at the base of your throat. You have to throw your head way back so the ultrasound gizmo can even find the little thyroid. So, mine seems to have nodules. And one of them is "suspicious." This is a diagnostic term that makes my skin crawl. I've had "suspicious squamus cells" before. Suspicious raises the eyebrows of lab techs and they love to scrutinize those suspicious cells and find things. Like cancer.

Oh, I don't have cancer. At least I don't think so. I'm trying to not think about it – you know. Don't think the C-word and what do you get? Everything spells out cancer. The old lady crossing the street looks like Cancer. The kitty on the front porch looks like Cancer. You close your eyelids and they spell out Can-Cer.

So the doc called me today to say the tests came back (and I had lots and lots of tests), especially considering I only just dropped by for a friendly update-my-prescription visit. I am now scheduled for a biopsy. That's a scary word too – almost as bad as the C-word. Biopsy – the B-Word, the "just a little snip" word. In this case, the Ultrasound-Guided-Needle-Biopsy word. In my throat.

I'm trying not to panic.



Sisyphus said...

No panics, sugar pop. I haven't had an ultrasound but I do have a mal-functioning thyroid. A much younger friend of mine had hers removed years ago and has been fine ever since. Sounds like prudent work here. Keep us posted.

Cindy H. said...

Warm thoughts and prayers for you my friend.
My sister went through the same thing 2 years ago. Had that pesky thyroid removed and she is just fine.

JeanC said...

Hugs and crossed fingers. That snotty little gland has a nasty habit of making one sweat doesn't it? I'm hyperthyroid thanks to Graves' disease and it is amazing what it can do to make me feel miserable :P Thank goodness for medication keeping it in check. As much as I bitch about it, modern medicine is pretty neat and what was once something scary is easily managed.

MarmiteToasty said...

Fingers eyes and legs crossed for ya..... do you want me to come over and rip the little bugger out meself? Im quite good with a kitchen spud knife?

((((Jeanne)))))) special thoughts from me to you.......


brandx said...

I hope that all of us that are holding your cyber-hand through this ordeal bring you some comfort. If you have ?? or need the medicspeak interpreted, let me know. Jana

JeanieSpokane said...

(((Marmite))) - I choked on my coffee!!! I forgot that you are the Queen of hospital experiences - Come on over!!!! I'll gladly bare my neck to you. :)

al said...

OK, here's what you do. Get a kitten, stretch back in a comfy chair, kitten lying on your chest snuzzling your neck, soft jazz playing in the background and take a long nap. I'm the one who gets all the icky medical gotchas in the family, so you have nothing to worry about - and I simply don't let 'em bother me any more.